It's been months since I wrote in here and I'm sure you've missed me terrible.  Or maybe you haven't, I don't know.  No one has been beating down my door demanding I write more - that's for sure.  No one has complained.  At least not to my face.  There have been no pleading rants via facebook or twitter (except I don't twitter - and I wish, for the life of me - that someone would explain to me the point of twitter.... I just cannot get into it.  I've tried many times.  I have.  For reals).

The last 12 months have been, by far - the most tumultuous and angst-filled that I've endured yet to date in my (ahem) 35 years.  They've been amuck with loss & insults & sadness & a tremendous amount of change... starting with my mom passing away (one year ago today) and ending with the apogee of 2012 - the ultimate ending of my joke-of-a-marriage (more on that later).  Somewhere there's a list of significant life events (who created this list?  What makes them an expert??) and how they cause stress and, no joke, I've had like the top 10 happen in the last 12 months.  I think the only one that doesn't apply to me was "retired".  Here's the list if you'd like to check it out and see just how stressful your life has been. While you're there, maybe you can explain to me what "make redundant" means and who thought to include it amidst significant life events.  At any rate, my point is - it's been rough.  It's been such a significant period for me that I feel like it's my own fiscal year.

That would be a good album name.  My Own Fiscal Year.

Where was I?  Yes - so I'm really hopeful that the next 12 months will be a lot more positive than the previous period and that I can apply all the lessons I've learned in my own fiscal year to the future - resulting in greater, more productive & even more thought-provoking ways o' living.  And really, if I were being honest here (which is what I strive for most of the time) - despite the fact that there have been some pretty awful things happening to me in the last year or so, it's been one of those life-shifting & destiny altering periods where (when it's over and done with and most of the bitterness has worn off) you can look back and see the lessons you've learned.  At least most of them anyway.

What are these lessons, you ask?  Well, I'm so glad you're *that* interested in my life, Chester!  I've compiled this here list to make it easier for you to understand.  I know most Jess-blog readers do well with lists (well, and with crudely drawn stick figure diagrams, but who has time for that?)

Lessons Learned in My Own Fiscal Year (Part 1)

- People are never what you think they are.  And really, how could they be?  Just as we each have our own opinions on things (foods we like to eat, shows we watch on TV, which New Kid was our favorite, etc.) - we are all unique beings and we all have our own perspectives on how we view other people.  I'm not just talking ex-husbands either.  No two people are identical in life perspective, religious upbringing, moral character, etc. which is definitely something to consider when you're passing judgement along in life.  I'm talking in circles.  My point is this:  it sometimes takes a tragedy to see who you really are as a person - and also who other people really are.  Through these dramatic events of cataclysmic proportions, you evolve into something better - something smarter.  These are gifts really.  Gifts of Wisdom. 

Gifts of Wisdom would be a good band name.  Gifts of Wisdom: My Own Fiscal Year.

I should get on ADD medication.

Back to the lessons...

- Life is way, way way too short to get caught up in drama & anger & hatred & not forgiving others.  There's probably more to this list really - but basically if there's something that is making you feel bad in life (you hate your job, for example.  Or you have an extra toe... anything) - then do something to change it. Stop complaining about it and dragging people down with it and just make a change.  You're no more or less special than Oprah, or Albert Einstein, or Mother Theresa.  Seriously.  You're not!  The difference is - those people got off their asses (no easy feat for Oprah circa 1987!) and did something with their time. They didn't sit on their living room couch eating Funyuns and updating their facebook statuses to yet another variation of "Woe is Me". 

I made this a Part 1 because I knew that I would be distracted with the chaos of my life and I wouldn't be able to dedicate the time and energy to this blog that it (and you - having patiently waited months and months for my words of wisdom) deserve.  So I promise to finish this list at a later time (soon, I promise) and continue to teach you important lessons in life (including my divorce story, which is really not as exciting as you'd think it would be) and I will abruptly end now.  Because some wise person told me that my blogs are too long (is that true?  Please advise)... and mostly because I have to pee, it's 6am and I have a sleeping 4-year-old on my lap, drooling onto the work shirt I never took off and slept in last night.  I never said I led a glamorous life.

I'm going to Ocean City today - to sprinkle the remainder of my mom's ashes into the beach.  She loved the beach, my mom.  Well - she loved Ocean City.  And really, she loved hanging out on the balcony overlooking the boardwalk chain-smoking, cursing and people watching.  But it would make a much more poetic statment (and less likely to result in community fines and riots than a heave-ho of charred DNA off a top floor balcony onto a lane of crowded bypassers) to put my moms remains in the water down there.  So that's what I'm doing.  Today.  Which is why I must go now.  If you feel so inspired - or even if you don't, but you are in a heat induced delusional state - you could leave me a comment below.  No pressure.

Oh, one more thing - I've missed you too.