Blogs for me are a lot like my relationships in life – sporadic, sometimes creative, sometimes enlightening, but mostly something I tend to neglect for other things. Like eating. And naps. I’ve been going through a ton of change lately – mostly psychological, but some emotional things too (yes, there’s a difference. I think). Change is never easy. And even though a lot of it is good change (or has the potential to be good anyway) it’s still a source of undue stress and emotional turmoil. Throw into the mix that I’m working a ton and that I have two little guys to take care of. Oh, and myself. Even though I feel like I sometimes put her last. Myself, I mean. By “her”. You know what I’m sayin.

I don’t consider myself a needy person, but isn’t everyone needy to an extent? Everyone has needs. Sure – it’s great to feel good about yourself and to not care what others think… to have courage and wisdom to be this confident individual, capable of saving the world without the assistance of anyone at all. But at the end of the day, isn’t it our interactions with others that make up our tiny world? Isn’t that the key to being a happy person? Isn’t that why the abused kids who are locked in a closet at 7 or 8 turn into some anti-social, non verbal creatures? Because they aren’t engaging in any interactions with other people? Maybe I’m just making shit up. I tend to do that when I have no clue what I’m talking about. I talk a good talk. Or I google it. If I feel like it. In this instance, I feeling too lazy to pull up google so I’m just going to wing it based on some TV-miniseries I’ve seen and a few articles I’ve read in Mademoiselle and hope you have the sub-par standards to actually believe in me. Oh go ahead. Believe in me. There are worse things in life. I’ve been trying to really instill in my boys that they need to believe in themselves and that they can’t always rely on whether or not others like them or share their opinions on things. Even Wyatt (the little one) will sometimes cry that he’s “not the funny one” and Wesley will say “Oh, I’m so stupid. Everyone will laugh at me”. My question I guess is how do you create a person who doesn’t need that reassurance? Because I think if anything is going to keep them afloat in today’s (and tomorrow’s) society, it’s the revelation of being true to yourself. They’re going to definitely need it (thank God they’re not girls – because they EXTRA need it). I mean, I surely would have benefitted if someone had interjected to me once (or twice) in my adolescence and said “hey, Jess – you know what? All that really matters is that you love yourself”. Also, maybe “bathe more”, but that’s besides the point. God, what an eye opener. Sure would have made getting picked on in middle school that much easier… and maybe I wouldn’t harbor such bad feelings about myself for so long. And maybe I wouldn’t assume things so easily. And maybe I’d be more trusting. God, I’m a basket case aren’t I? At the very least, it sure would make all the nasty ex-husband text messages dig just a little less. I’m not the weakest person in the world, but being called fat and nasty once a month for almost a whole year can weigh a person down.

I'm off work today. So what better excuse do I have to avoid laundry and cleaning my pig sty of a house than writing a blog to please the adoring masses of Jess-fans. And by adoring masses, I mean all 4 of you. Before you wrongfully assume I'm a dead beat slacker who takes off with no proper agenda, let me reassure you - they have foolishly made me salary at work (which is just a fancy word for work like a slave for no more overtime) and I worked this past Saturday. Rather than work a 50+ hour week at a 40-hour paycheck, I took today off. Mostly to sit around the house with my hand down my pants watching old reruns of Married With Children on Netflix. Well, and this blog. And (maybe) the laundry....