Yeah. Uh huh. Sure. That's it.

You can't really pick up on my sarcasm, can you? It's hard to read tone in a blog. Maybe if I use italics.

Does that seem better to you? Eh. You still can't tell. Plus, no one ever takes me serious anyway. Sometimes it's rather annoying... I try to tell someone something non-jokingly and they have that look on their face like they're waiting for the punchline. Sometimes I just don't have one, ok? My life isn't one big fun-fest for your benefit... I have problems and stress and anxiety just like the next guy. I'm even on a few meds to prove it.

Wow. This blog suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.

So, 33 years ago I was born 9 weeks early and weighed in at a whopping 3 lbs. It was probably the only time in my life I was actually underweight. Sadly, there aren't even any photos for proof, because I'd totally carry that around in my wallet and whip it out from time to time when skinny girls are always talking about their size 3 jeans and their lack of ability to gain weight. I'd be all "oh yeah?! Well, look at me in the newborn ICU... I was so small I almost died! So I win!". But, I didn't die. So there's that. Yeah, something is wrong with me, I admit it.

Don't you hate when skinny people talk about how they "can't gain weight"? Whatever. That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in my life. It's not that you can't gain weight, it's that you don't bury your feelings of inadequacy underneath mounds and mounds of chocolate and fast-food. Like I do. Gaining weight is as simple as losing weight. You take the amount of calories your body burns (which for you tiny folks, isn't much) and then you eat more than that and don't move a whole lot. I'm like an expert in this, people. I could be the anti-trainer. I could be hired by skinny people the world over and I could come over your house and TRAIN you to be fat, lazy slobs. Only, I'm probably not motivated enough to come to your house. Maybe I could just lure you to eat more over the phone. Or through this blog.

Why are you even still reading this garbage?

I hope you all had great Easter celebrations with your families or friends. I could tell you about mine, but I'm going to bed instead. Maybe tomorrow. I apologize for this entry being short, dull & most likely, filled with grammatical errors. It's my birthday and I just don't care.