I'm kidding. Everything is free here. Sadly, I can't charge money for my blogs because, well A. no one would pay. And B. I'm pretty sure most of my friends are poor. And C. I would feel bad. Ironic, seeing as the majority of America doesn't mind freebies, entertainment at the expense of others and gratuitous handouts, but I'm old-fashioned. I believe you should actually work for your dollars. Imagine that. Working for money. It's old-school I know... but I'm bringing it back in 2012. I think the slogan for this year should be "2012 - Hey, Lazy ass: Stop mooching off the government and get to work". Somehow I don't think it will fly with the Democrats.

Before I get off subject into a political tirade about the downfalls of the economy and who is to blame, let me say Happy New Year to you, friend. 2011 is a thing of the past and boy, am I ever glad. (Can I get a whoop, whoop? No. Okay.) What a craptastic year 2011 turned out to be. At least the worst one to date in my opinion- even surpassing on the suck-scale the year 1986 when Mad Cow disease was first identified, sweeping tax reform was introduced by the government and smoking was banned on all public transportation. (Ironically, also the year that the Nicotine Patch was invented. Probably not a coincidence as the man who invented it was an avid subway rider/chain smoker*) *I don't know if that's true, but it would seem likely.

It was also the year my father died. At least I think. Maybe it was 1987. At any rate, 2011 was heinous for multiple reasons of which I won't get into right now lest I start to rage violently and have to punch my laptop to make the voices go away.

My message in this blog is about acceptance. I've learned the hard way that you can't always predict how life will turn out. You can play it by the book and dot all your i's and cross all your t's (except when you don't and they look like l's) but you know what I'm sayin. I'm certainly not perfect by any stretch.. and who is really? But I try to make most decisions based on what I perceive to be the best option for all involved. It just doesn't always seem that apparent to everyone else.. and you know what? that's okay. Because everyone has a different perspective on life. Everyone does. Everyone sees things differently, interprets things differently.. not everyone will even agree with that. But what matters is that I know that what I am doing is right. Deep down, I know. And that's why I can write comical blogs making fun of myself and the world I live in rather than rocking in the corner under a table in a fetal position. I'm better than that. And, gosh darn'it, so are you. Yes you are.

Wow. I don't even know where I am going with this. I should have had an agenda when I started out this blog. An outline maybe. Maybe even a small English professor sitting next to me guiding me through my literary workings like some eloquently verbal muse.

I feel like I have more to say, but for the sake of time and my heavy eyelids, I am going to go. I hope 2012 brings you all the joy you could ask for. I hope it's a time of uplifting and success... and perhaps (you know who you are) the cure for that raging STD. Love ya.

*Sidebar: Gingerbread tastes like ass. Just more proof that if you throw enough sugar-laden decoration on crap, people will think it's something spectacular.

"Oh, here...have a really hard cookie that tastes like stale potpourri mixed with cement. You might break a tooth."

"No thanks, dude"

"It's got cream cheese frosting! And gumdrop shingles!!"

"Oh, well ok!"

Where was I? Oh, yes - faking it for the sake of young people and their innocent Christmas spirit. Pretty hard to be a bah-humbug when Wyatt is all glazey eyed over Santa coming (he can't say Christmas though, he says "Kwis-Mas", which I pretend is just a cross between Kwanza and Christmas. He's so politically correct!) Either way, (thankfully) they're both still at an age where the smallest gifts in the world mean so much. Wesley still thinks I'm the best Mom ever for getting him a velvet paint-by-number holiday poster from the dollar-spot at Target. No joke. So this year, I will utilize their ignorance and pray they don't ask for anything with an enormous retail price...it's been a rough year, financially and I'm paying the price for my lack of judgement in the finance department. Sigh.

Ugly divorce + Scraping up to get a new (used) car + groceries that aren't Ramen = low cash flow

Anyway, for more jovial Christmas topics - please see one of my many blogs making fun of Christmas music. You can find the latest one here:

Someone once said that my blogs are too long so this one will be a short one. Just a quick note to say Happy Holidays to all the people that matter to me. And by "people that matter to me", I mean the ones who have enough common sense to read this blog. You people are the best. Instead of choosing to do other things with your online time - browsing mail order brides from the former Soviet Union... shopping for cases of personal lubricant from ebay, etc. - you have chosen to come here and boost my recently deflated ego by reading my blog. It's the best Christmas present a girl could ask for. Well, that and a box of cash.