Now is the time of year when I start to feel the overwhelming pressures of the holidays combined with the overwhelming cheerfulness of being grateful for everyone and everything I have in this life.  It's a lot at once.  The holiday pressure mostly stems from the fact that I'm financially in the hole & I'm not entirely sure how I will afford Christmas presents & such.  I know, I know - y'all are sick of hearing about my financial woes. (I should re title this blog "Financial Woes & Food Addiction"). I get it.  But I'm not stressing too too much about presents really and for now I'm feeling a little better about life in general, so a part of me realizes that it will all work out.  It has to.  Just keep this in mind when your gift this year is a card I made out of copy paper I stole from work and those free charity mailing labels that I keep getting.  (At least I am creative with my resources!)

I said it last year and I will say it again - I am glad this year is coming to a close.  Although, even as I type those words I realize that I'm going to contradict myself.  In the grand scheme of things, what difference does it really make that the actual number is changing? I mean, what is time in terms of years & months (hours even) as far as change is concerned?  If you lived in the now (which I'm trying super hard to do), the only time that really makes a difference is right now.  And see - that right now is already gone.  And you're on to this right now.  Right now.  I guess my point (if I believe there even is one) is that one could say "well, next year is going to be great".  Or "2013 HAS to be better than 2012".  But in reality, just make this moment awesome. Cause you ain't getting it back ya know.  Once it's out of here, it's gone forever.  (side note:  reading my blog *is* in fact, an awesome thing to do in this moment.  In case you were thinking of moving onto something else).  So the real lesson here is that you can keep telling yourself that something is going to change in the near distant future... or you can harp on something that has happened in the distant (or not so distant) past with your 'should'ves" and 'could'ves", but really all that crappy mindset is doing is messing up the moment you have this very second.  This one.  So knock it off.  And while I am doling out advice:  stop putting that diet off till tomorrow too because the average person gains like 48 lbs from Christmas to New Years*

*I think its closer to 7lbs.  But if I put 48 here, and then subsequently gain, say, 9lbs - I will feel way less guilty.  And that's all this blog is really.  A cleverly disguised therapy tool to make me feel better about myself*

Recently I ran in a 5K "mud" run where you basically heave your fat ass through a bunch of obstacle course type pit-stops and run a cumulative 3.1 miles while simultaneously getting disgustingly dirty & filled with sewage-smelling water (www.rebelrace.com).  I mean, don't get me wrong - the race was a ton of fun.  And despite the unfortunate chaffing in areas we won't mention here from swimming through a lake and then running for a bit, it wasn't terribly hard to complete.  I say this now.  But it got me thinking - athletic people will pay money for ANYTHING.  I paid (I think) 65$ to enter the thing.  Then another 10 to park.  Then I camped out, which I believe cost like another 65 bucks.  In the end, it basically cost like $200+ bucks to smell bad, be tired and sleep on a hard, cold ground in the middle of nowhere.  All the 20-somethings that were there camping (because I was seriously the oldest one of them all) talked about some of the other runs they've done where they've had to go through pits filled with ice water & walk across logs (suspended over mud pits?  Alligators?  Bags of doritos??)  Anyway, it got me thinking.... I think *I* will start my own 5K perhaps.  One where you are doused in BBQ sauce & a real hungry bear is chasing you or you get dropped off in the middle of south Baltimore wearing bags of crack cocaine suspended from your belt.  Run for your lives, indeed.  (My slogan could be:  You don't have to be first, but you really don't want to be last).  It could solve all my financial "issues".

I'm going to go now.  I'm home today with a terrible cold/allergy thing and as much as I like these meetings of ours, you spend way too much time talking about yourself and not enough time discussing my most favorite subject:  me.  Sike.  I'm just kidding.  I have some stuff to do.  November is a time for being grateful - it's so so so  important.  More important than a lot of other things that clog your brain with each passing moment & definitely more life-changing than the compulsive thinking of what you should do tomorrow or what you should have done yesterday.  Rest assured, people - that whatever life has in store for you is placed there for a reason.  Including this blog.  So the least you could do is leave a comment.