I think the hardest part about divorce, for me anyway - is realizing that I wasted so much of my life on something that was so bad for me. Of course, besides the having kids part, which I wouldn't take back for anything... it's a tough pill to swallow realizing that you stuck it out with someone who was actually the worst person you could possibly be with. It's embarrassing almost. The other day I sat down and tried - actually TRIED - to think of some moment...some memory of blissfulness...something (anything) to ponder and think back on that in some way would make me remember why I was there. And I couldn't come up with anything. NOTHING. Not one thing that I missed about my relationship before. That, in and of itself, makes me more sad than anything else. Sad and angry. Angry that I always give people the benefit of the doubt and it bites me in the ass more times than I can even recall. Angry that I took every penny my mom left me and used it to pay off a minivan, rather than pay down my enormous debt from college to help him out, only to be left without a car and financially drained. Angry that I have to be the brunt of immature name calling and deliberate foul insults because I ended something that was actually over at least 3 years ago. Mostly I'm just angry that I wasted my time. You can't get that back, ya know. Time. I'm getting closer to 40 and I'm just figuring it all out. *That* makes me angry.