I've never understood the appeal of going to Ocean City. I get why it's exciting as a kid - just being here, in the heart of commercialized crap. It's a bit like Vegas. Only you know, no hookers. And a lot more expensive (I'm not even kidding - I could have gone to Vegas 20 times for the amount of money I've spent here. I bought a bag of chocolate covered pretzels and a stuffed animal the size of a key chain at the Candy Kitchen and it cost me 30 bucks. 30 bucks!) But you know, it's only money. It's not like you can take a wad of cash with you when you die. Plus, my kids aren't spoiled on a regular basis so on vacation, it's important to me that they not miss out.

I was at BJ's on the Bay eating lunch yesterday (chopped crab salad - wasn't very good) and Wesley says to me "You know, Mom - there are a lot of hot girls here", then proceeds to point out all the scantily clad women in the restaurant. Including the waitress. LOUDLY. I'm raising a small manwhore... and not on purpose, either. I should buy some stock in Trojan.

Like many blogs before it, this one began awhile ago and will hopefully get into a finished state this evening for all of you to enjoy (by all of you, I mean my 4 regulars and the one person in Brazil who reads my blog. No idea who you are, but thanks for the support).

It's not so much that I don't have a lot to say here. I've had a tremendous amount of blogging material the past few months. It's just that when you are down in the trenches - moodwise - the last thing you want to do is spill your heart out to semi-strangers on the internet. And, of course, I aim to be funny and being Debbie Downer is not usually comical in any way. I'm certainly not trying to be one of those folks who has a different whiney, complainy, facebook status every two days. Get over yourself. At least you have access to a computer. You know, like 80 percent of the world does not. Of course, ignorant people don't bother with such minute details. Why would they? The whole entire world revolves around them.

I don't want to start a debate about politics here. I hate that. Debates. I mean, to be quite honest with you - I try to know as little as possible about what is going on with the government for the simple fact that it makes my blood pressure go up. I can actually feel it. I also feel like, as an individual (and a minority in my hard-working demeanor, kind morals and inability to be a selfish bastard) - I'm doomed to a life of constant worry over shit I have no control over. Maybe I've read too many books (Dark Ages by Morris Berman was particularly disturbing. My shrink recommended it to me - no doubt to drum up some business for himself as it spiraled me into a state of mental disarray). I used to think that knowledge was the answer to all of life's problems... but I don't think that's true anymore. I think NOT knowing everything will save me a hell of a lot of pain and suffering. Well, maybe not suffering. But it will at least prevent me from staying up all night googling "The End of the World" and "How to build a Zombie-free shelter". You get me?

I had another Neuro appointment today. I will save you the suspense and tell you that it was about 10 minutes long (from getting there to leaving) and the only advice I got was "let's just wait and see". for 40 bucks! My last MRI showed some white matter lesions and slight Chiari Malformation (I probably spelt this wrong - go look it up! Educate yourself!!), but the Neurologist is still wanting more. So more waiting is to be done. I mean, worse case scenario - I have some incurable and rare disease where my brain starts to shrink causing blured visions, a half-red face and the inability to stop eating french fries (not too sure about that last one, but I might as well throw it in there). Shrinking brain! Like a sex change disease. (this is where you'd hear a drum roll. Bad joke. Sorry.)

I'm all over the place, but I'm exhausted so I'm going to go to bed now. I realize this blog lacks its typical self-deprication and perverted humor. There's always failblog.

--- It's impossible to make a future when you're holding onto the past ---