"Let go of the past and go for the future. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined...."

Oh, HDT. What wise, wise words. Obviously Henry had a surplus of self-confidence and the ability to see the big picture. Good for him. No, I mean - really - good for him. He did well for himself. AT least I think he did. People have heard of him.

I've been having a lot of deep thoughts on life lately. The last two, three years have been such a whirlwind of change and I feel like I haven't had much of an opportunity to take it all in. It's so hard to just have a moment when you have young kids...they tend to suck every ounce of energy you've got left out of your soul. So that at 10 at night, when everything is done (not!) the last thing on your mind is relaxing; it's watching recaps of the O's game online and eating ice cream right from the pint. Don't judge me. I'm lame and I admit it. There. Are you happy now? You've made a grown woman cry. Again.

Sike. I wasn't really crying. Nor was I eating ice cream from a pint as my new goal in life is to try and shed some of this weight I've packed on since last year. So depressing pulling out your shorty shorts from last summer only to realize they only fit if you do a back bend with vaseline smeared on your ass. (I imagine this is what I'd have to do to get them on - I didn't actually do this I swear). Ahem. Moving on....

I have been contemplating some decisions though. And why we make the choices that we make in life. I don't wanna do the whole "I should've" or "well, what if..." because they are a wasted source of energy and, until the time machine is invented, will do nothing to change the current path on which I reside. I think the truth is (and what irony is this) that I haven't been very truthful. To myself or to others. And partially this is the fault of my need to please syndrome and the fact that I base about 90% of my decisions on whether or not others will suffer from the outcome. It's totally true. Never mind if *I* suffer. Is it what's best for everyone else? Cause if so, then I'm doing it. My therapist would say that makes me an enabler. She probably wouldn't say that. She would ask me questions until I said it and then she would nod her head at me like it was all my idea. Sneaky bitch!

I'm sorry this blog is a downer (there I go again - caring about what you think), but it is what it is. Sometimes I just need reality to give me a swift kick in the ass and remind me what life is all about. It's not about the superficial bullshit or the what-ifs. It's about being true to yourself. And if that means a few people get hurt in the process, well, so be it. It is what it is. So it goes. I need to get that in a tattoo. On my forehead (or somewhere equally statement-creating that will not affect future job interviews)....

Until next time, be true to yourself. And try to forgive me if you get trampled in the process....