I'm not anti-love. Let me just state that now for the record. I'm all for loving others, being loved, making love, talking about love, professing love.. even the word LOVE itself has a romantic way of taking up space. Something about the way the L and the O go together. Nonetheless... my feelings about love have nothing to do with February 14th. No. No. And it's not because I'm single and jaded (although, I might as well be). I just think celebration of love should be something that happens on a daily basis and not something that people work up on one day of the year as if neglecting love the other 364 days is somehow okay. It's not. You reading this husband? IT'S NOT. Eh, who am I kidding. My husband doesn't read my blogs.

I guess I'd like V-day a lot more if I had a better relationship with my husband/roommate. Lately, the only thing that interests him is playing some blood-filled game on the Playstation 3 while petting our cat and ignoring me. (Petting the cat somehow seems dirty here so I should clarify that by "petting the cat", I mean he is actually PETTING our CAT. You blog readers have such filthy minds). I guess our first Valentine's Day together should have clued me in to his celebratory ways - I got nothing. Nada. Zilch. Of course, it could have been the delusion of having just birthed our first child (conceived, I might add - after only a month of dating), or perhaps (more likely the two) - he's just not that sentimental. So be it. I guess I should learn to live with his idiosyncrasies and move on. Sigh. As if it were that easy. ...

But I'm certainly not here to divulge all my relationship woes. That would be a private blog and a much longer blog and a much sadder blog and those things just aren't my style. I'd much rather write about stuff that makes you laugh and makes me forget about all the things that ail me this day and age. Which brings me back to the title of this here writing - Valentine's Day. A chance to sell candy and stuffed animals and large red hearts to people we want to impress, get with or otherwise woe. Oh - and those god-awful little heart shaped candies that taste like ass. What's up with them? They're seriously nasty. Like circus peanut-nasty.

Back in the day when I wrote blogs on a more regular basis on facebook, I had a blog for Valentine's Day enriched with greetings for Valentine's Day cards that were somewhat out of the ordinary. People posted with their own additions and it made for a much more joyous and celebratory time for all. Of course, I abandoned Myspace a long time ago when I realized that it wasn't where the 'cool' people hung out and now I couldn't tell you where that literary masterpiece has gone. It's lost forever, I assume. But most of the fanciful prose is still trapped up inside my brain right next to the section with Seinfeld quotes and old lyrics to Air Supply songs. Luckily for you, that's a section I can access pretty easily. Here goes...

Rejected (and some anti-love) Valentine's Day Card Greetings:

"To my dearest of Moms on this Valentine's Day, I love you a bunch. Oh, it turns out I'm gay"
(You probably were already suspicious!)

"On This Day of Love, Wife... Please Remember Just That. I Drove Home Sorta Drunk & Ran Over Your Cat" (I'm sorry!)

"I love you so much, this passion holds true. It's too bad you're 11 and I'm 42" (Maybe I'll see you in 7 years?)

"This V-day is filled with a passion so heated, you probably won't mind if I tell you I cheated" (with your sister!)

"Roses are Red and so is my truck. Mind if we go out there for a ...... pleasant conversation?" (Yeah, so it doesn't rhyme)

Seriously... I could do this all day. I could probably even come up with some that aren't even close to funny. Nonetheless, a weekend (and Monday) filled with a house of vomiting and diarrhea (some me, some my children) has created a new form of tired within my bones. I should go rest. Lest I go to work tomorrow and take my anger out on some poor innocent crazy patient.

Plus, you need your beauty sleep. Oh, trust me. You do.

Oh - for those of you interested in my weight loss endeavors, I'm now the lowest weight I've been since having my two children. My next goal will be to get down to the lowest weight I've ever been in my life - which was when I ran the Baltimore Marathon in 2001. Seriously. Running all those miles does numbers for the scale. Well, you know - lowers numbers. You know what I mean. It was a poor choice of metaphor.