I'm not sure what this blog will be about. I just know that I had to do something to entertain myself as I'm going seriously stir crazy being in the house for weeks on end. With my children. And my husband. I wonder, seriously, how many divorces/murders/suicides are the result of being snowed in. Does anyone have a statistic on that? All I keep hearing about on the stupid news channels are people making blizzard babies. Aint none of that nonsense going on over in this household. I'm not even sure I'd want to look Jamie in the eye, let alone make offspring with him. How in the hell do bears hibernate for the winter? - oh, right - they sleep. Well, that would explain why Mr. Jessica has spent the last few days dozed off into a coma on the couch. Either he's a bear, or that arsenic I've been slipping into his Pepsi is finally working. Either way...

I'm joking. Geesh. I wouldn't poison my husband. At least not in such an obvious way and then declare it on the Internet in the form of an open blog that anyone (legally, I mean) could intercept and use against me later in a court of law. And especially given that I left my job at the state facility and now my life insurance policy (and my husband's) is worth about the same amount as a nice set of dishes from the Crate and Barrel. Ahem, on to more pressing things....

The med-tech at my job - Heather is her name - introduced me to Utz Puf'n Corn, Caramel flavor. Have you had it? If you're like me and you enjoy food and you are scared to try crack for the obvious reasons of death/addiction/life ruining, you should dabble a little in this stuff. I'm serious. It's like tiny niblets of goodness. I never was one to really like caramel corn because the kernels get stuck in your teeth and I have this one tooth on the bottom left side that came in sideways (no joke) and EVERYTHING gets stuck in there. I mean, that's not the only reason I don't like caramel corn, but it's the main reason. Well, the genius people who work at the Utz factory have come to my rescue by inventing hull-less popcorn. It's magic! Then they covered it with caramel and started selling it in the mid Atlantic states for those fatties (like me) who eat way too much junk. You get me? You should try it. And if you don't have a store near you that sells Utz (and it's a shame if you don't, you're welcome to move in with me) - don't fret! You can order it directly, by the case, from the Utz people themselves. It will come to your front door. This is especially useful if you weigh so much that getting out in public is a problem for you without a team of large men and a gurney. Of course, as a nurse - I should probably put a disclaimer here that I am not encouraging any morbidly obese readers of my blog to eat excess calories. And you can't sue me either. (But Utz people - feel free to send free caramel puf'n corn my way as a thank-you gift).

Now with my product placement out of the way - on to more pressing items. Can you believe all the snow (if you're not from around here and you're in some warm climate right now, my apologies. Why don't you go bask in the sun while I whine about being stuck in my house under 5 feet of icy cold ridiculousness)? I wrote a bit about the snow the other day when I thought it was going to be the end of it and here I am again, writing about it some more. It really is like that movie with that one guy from Brokeback Mountain when the world was coming to an end and they had to hide out in that library burning books lest freeze to death when that frost o' doom came through. I can't remember what it's called. I can't remember any one's names either, famous or otherwise. So sorry for all the description... it's how I am. If you don't like it, I'm sure there are other, more mundane and lousy - er, less entertaining - blogs to read. Like this one that is all about cats: http://ilovecats.blogspot.com/

I wish I were joking. Here are some other things I wish, while we are on the subject.

I wish I had someone to play scrabble with. I tried to play with my 5-year old and the only word he can spell well enough is his name, which - as I'm sure you're aware - is totally not allowed in Scrabble.

I wish I lived near a grocery store that actually had some food it in. Jamie went yesterday to this WaWa type place around the corner and all they had left were Slim Jims and Pork Rinds. I bought some of each and that is what we are having for dinner. If I have any pork rinds leftover, I will no doubt have to use them to wipe my ass when we run out of toilet paper - also not available at any store in the tri-state area.

I wish the punk rock red hair dye I put in my hair would stay there for more than a week. I decided to just not wash my hair and go for the (for lack of better terminology) 'Eddie Vedder' look. But I think the patients at work are a little intimidated by the grease. So, I'll have to come up with a better plan, I suppose. Like shaving my head.

I wish I could have liquor in my house. See, my husband drinks nothing so we can't have it here. Which is fine. For the most part. But when you're home for this long, days and days in a row - you long for some sort of escape. And by escape, I mean getting drunk and running naked into a 4-foot snow piles in your white trash neighborhood while downing shots of tequila. It's standard around here - ok. Don't judge me.

I also wish that I didn't have to go now. But, sadly, I do. Because my almost-two year old is stirring and he's demanding and what else do I have to do except tend to my children while the snow builds up outside? I promise to take some photos/video of all this mess and post them next time. Just for you. Because I'm cool like that.

Oh - and I wish you'd comment. You come here and read my stuff and then never leave a comment and you think I don't know it. I do. And it hurts. It makes me feel used. And, strangely enough, a tad psychotic. Why would you want to do that to me?