Some days I long for the blanket of invisibility that ignorance provides. I wish I didn't notice people who are assholes. I wish I didn't notice people who litter or who don't clean up after their dogs or who take 30 items into the 10 items or less lane at the Walmart. I wish I didn't spend hours upon hours contemplating the social justice system in this country or the plight of the economy or famine, homelessness, disease. Or how many rodent hairs are in a standard sized box of pasta (8, in case you were wondering.... that's how many are allowed by the FDA. No joke. Contemplate that when you're chowing down on an Alfredo Linguine, Chester). It's good to not know everything, right? I know one thing is for sure - I'm 100% positive that the phrase "Ignorance is Bliss" is dead-on right in every sense. Look at the goldfish. He doesn't need Xanex to make it through the day. And he doesn't even sleep. (I don't know if this is even accurate. Any fish fans out there? Does the goldfish sleep? I must know...)

I've always been a curious sort. No really. If I could quit working and go to school as a permanent student, I would do just that - if for no other reason than I like to learn new things and then share them with others. Learning is key to keeping abreast. (Abreast is such a funny word, no? Without the space - awareness. With the space - I'm suddenly a pervert. Well, not suddenly. But you get what I'm saying). What was I talking about again? Oh, right - learning. It's what separates us from the idiots. I took a Rock N' Roll History class this one time at UMBC in my fourth semester of college (back in, ahem, 1997) and it was seriously one of the coolest, most difficult, most incredibly challenging courses I've ever taken. Ever. And for those of you who don't know (and it's ok if you don't - you might be new here. If so: welcome)- I've got a massive amount of college credits under my belt. Mostly from changing majors 100 times and taking things just for fun (read: Tennis I: Introduction & Portuguese for Beginners) - but seriously. Major major hard work in this class. Every exam was essay format. And there was stuff like analyzing a Bob Dylan song and memorizing every record label from the 1970's and which artists came to us from them. Oh - and where were they located and who was the manager? And if they eventually closed down (as some did) - when did that take place and why? Oh - And did Jim Croce hang to the left or the right of his pants leg? I mean - DETAILS people. I got a C. It was brutal. One lecture during 1980's rap we listened to NWA's F*ck the Police while looking at (and analysing) the lyrics on the overhead. UN-CENSORED. Which makes me laugh to this day thinking about the classical music students housed below us, who were no doubt learning some Beethoven Concerto #5 (or something) on the piano while being drowned out by 'Straight Outta Compton'. Yo. What an awesome class, though. And the guy who taught it - taught it from memory. He's my hero.

I had an ethics class that rocked too. Also taught by a guy who knew it all by heart. Cute guy, too - this teacher. Looked like a rugged Andrew McCarthy. Here, for reference:

Which leads me to Microbiology. Man, what a great class. It would be unjust of me to have a blog about fantastic college courses and not mention this gem of a semester - taken most recently at Towson University by genius professor (and Jess blog-reader) Barry Margulies. If you are like me (nerdy, like learning, no ass and legs like a lawn flamingo) - you know what I mean when I say that when you are learning something cool - and it's being taught to you in a way that makes it easy to understand and interesting - you really do want to know more. I sound like a geek - but seriously - hear me out. I can't tell you anything about my Anatomy & Physiology courses (well, ok - one thing I remember: there was this man made out of veins and arteries. That's all he was. He looked like spaghetti. In fact, we called him spaghetti man. Imagine a human body stripped of all elements except the veins and arteries. Ok, now take a small post-it note sized flag and hang it on one of those vessels and that, my friend, *that* was on my Anatomy & Physiology final. "What blood vessel is this? Where does it go?". Seriously? Am I ever, in my career as a nurse, going to encounter a bodyless vessel man? Bc the last time I checked - the bones/ligaments/organs/muscles, etc. that give a vein/artery it's name (penile artery for example) lend a hint to what it's for and what it's called. I think it's cruel and unrealistic to ask someone to name a blood vessel minus it's complimentary crew of body parts. I'm just sayin') At any rate, I remember EVERYTHING from my microbiology course. Ok, well not everything - but I would go home and tell people stuff I learned. I was excited about it! Just LAST WEEK (I shit you not, Dr. M) - I was telling someone about Augmentin and the cell wall and clavulanate and why it was added and how smart bacteria are getting, etc.... All BS aside, what a worthwhile course. I think everyone should take it, if for no other reason than we will all start washing our hands more (I swabbed the ATM machine in the student lounge as part of my microbiology lab experiment and the disgusting shit that grew in that plate made me want to vomit. I now get money out of the ATM using only my big toe or a wooden back scratcher I keep in my car).

My point (besides the fact that male instructors make for better learning and better fantasies) is this: there's no reason not to learn new things, people. Ignorance may be bliss, but intelligence and awareness is liberating. It makes you more appreciative. It makes you feel better about yourself. And (if all else fails) it can help you write better, more entertaining blogs for droves of nameless readers who wish they were you. You know you do.

On a more serious note (on which I rarely hit, for the simple fact that it's a downer and I'm not so much into that these days) - my mother came over here tonight high as a kite and nodding like a street junkie. I don't talk much about my mother and her addiction, for starters because I'm fearful (in a six-degrees of separation type way) she will discover this blog and realize that I feel so much angst towards her and her pill-popping lifestyle - and secondly, because talking about my personal life is, well, personal. I just realized today that the ignorance (literally) you have blanketing you as a child is so taken for granted. I long for the days when I looked at my mother as an authoritative figure with whom I was proud and who (I thought) could do no wrong. It's always a shock when you grow up and realize that everything you believed to be true is no longer what you thought it was. No Santa. No tooth fairy. And oh yeah - Mom and Dad aren't anything like you thought they were. Go figure. Just seemed like a good piece to add on the subject of ignorance.

Well, folks - it's 11pm and I promised myself I'd be in bed by 10. I'm an hour late. I hope you're appreciative. And by appreciative, I mean - I hope you send me cash in the mail. Enough to get a tummy tuck please. And a boob job. I don't think that's asking too much, do you?

Nighty night friends.