So, here we are. Me and you. Again. Back at the same place, doing the same thing. I mean, you keep making me all these promises, but then you let me down over and over and over again. You're cruel, you know? Seriously. You should stop teasing me and just ditch me already.

Sike. I don't even know what I'm talking about. I'm delusional and I'm going on very little sleep and I'm not even sorry about any of it. I feel like the last few months have been a whirlwind of change in so many ways. New apartment. New... apartment. OK. So not much has changed. But it sure feels like it. I've been working like a mad woman - 7 days a week and yet I feel like I have no extra money to show for it. I'm so sick of the delusion that nurses make such huge dollars. I mean, yeah - ok - I make more than, say, the clerk at the grocery store. But I also have a load of bills that I can't handle. Including school debt that, frankly, hardly seems worth the trouble of nursing school and subsequent semi-nursing job. And the risk of catching some communicable disease from some nasty sneezy drooly patient. If you're reading this and considering an enrollment in nursing school, just stop yourself now. I'm DEAD. SERIOUS. Not worth it.

I'm in a strange place right now. Emotionally. Physically. I'm feeling jaded by relationships in general and by the way life - in it's crazy twists and turns - sometimes throws you for an unsuspecting loop. I'm so busy I can't think straight. I attempt to keep things in order for my children's sake (and my own intermittent sanity), while simultaneously working non-stop and oh - yeah - right - taking care of myself. What's that about? Just remember folks, aint no one gonna take care of you except you. Sad, but true. The only one you can really count on at the end of the day is yourself - and really, that's the priority. I'm talking myself in circles.

I'm excited about football season starting bc I like football. But I hate the commercialism bullshit and the fan-filled comradery of fantasy internet teams crap and the distraction of every Sunday being centered around some stupid game like it's an excuse for a social intervention of booze and fattening foods. It ruins it for me. I used to know every position of every player. Every penalty. I've been to a few Ravens games and had my share of tailgaiting. Now I wish I could just purchase the entire season on DVD like an old season of Weeds and watch it unfold without all the BS. Especially given the fact that Orioles have done nothing but disappoint me this season. Sigh. How many years till the Olympics?? Anybody know? I'm gonna start watching professional bowling on ESPN 3. Oh wait, I don't have cable. Nevermind.

When I volunteered at the morgue, I once had a teenage girl body who had been beaten to death by her boyfriend. Another time, I had a teenage boy who'd been shot three times in the chest by a "friend" who owed him money. At the same time, I emptied the pockets of an elderly man who had his grandchildren's photos paper clipped together along with a black and white wedding photo almost torn to shreds from being removed from his pants pocket every day over and over again. No point to this story. Just thinking out loud and including you. Hate to be rude and not bring you into my thoughts. You know - so you can figure out how crazy I truly am. Some other thoughts I have on a daily basis? Well, I'm glad you asked:

- Can one person really make a difference? I would have said no a few years ago, but then I had to give the Heimlich maneuver to both of my children on two separate occasions, and realized that yeah, for them, one person made the difference between life and death. Speaking of them....

- My children have ruined my stomach. I mean, don't get me wrong - I didn't exactly have a six pack before. Or even a 12-pack, per say. But my stomach is a flabby, disgusting mess. Thanks Mother Nature. You've made me un-sexy for every guy that sees me naked from here on out. As an added note - how much is a tummy tuck? Anybody know? I'm totally gonna get me one of those. And maybe a boob job too, because - what the hell.

- I don't get people who don't read. It makes no sense to me. You do realize there's a whole bunch of stuff out there that you know absolutely nothing about, right? I just can't wrap myself around that. Be a better person... enrich your lives. It's the last free thing in the universe left. Go read a book already. Even if it's porn- at least you're away from the TV and the computer. And your Blackberry. Some days I long for my phone to drop into the toilet.

I had no idea it was 11. You should have rolled over and nudged me. Ha! I'm kidding. I'm alone. And you know what? I don't even mind so much. It's definitely got its perks. Like - the blanket is all mine. And oh yeah - no one to nag. Sure makes making out less fun though.

Until next time, my blog reading friend. Take care and trust me - take the stairs. Your ass will thank me.