I forgot I even had this thing. Years ago, in the days of friendster (anyone remember that?), I wrote regularly in my online journal (blog sounds so childish) and actually had followers. Imagine that. People that actually give a crap about what I have to say. And then I moved my stranger friends to the realm of myspace and when that when that went to the crapper - because let's face it, myspace is done - I went looking for a form of blogging on facebook only to be disappointed in the fact that nothing of such exists. Well, except for notes. But that's not the same. It's just not....

Which brings me here. You still with me? Oh goody.

I don't talk much in my blogs (ok, there's the word) about my private life for many reasons. For starters, it's boring. One can only read a certain number of stories surrounding full time work, wiping poopy hineys and the exciting world of frozen dinners before they turn away. And I understand. My life is relatively ho hum. I like it that way. It makes me less likely to dabble in excessive drinking and drugs. Secondly, the parts that aren't boring are, well, for lack of a better word - depressing. And who wants to read that? It's the reason i don't see tear jerker movies or read autobiographies written by those with crap-filled lives. You don't access media (or I don't anyway) to feel bad. You go to the movies and read books to feel enriched, or to escape your own life, or (in some instances) to learn new things. I do read a lot of cookbooks, but that's besides the point.

Isn't it annoying when someone is writing something and they tell you to hold on, or that they'll be back... as if when you're reading this in its fluid, final form you'd even notice? It's distracting. On that note, I have to use the loo. I'll see ya in a sec.

See. You didn't even know I was gone. So dumb. These are no doubt the same people who substitute written, funnier spellings of words that can simply be written the normal way. You need an example, I can tell. Like kewl (instead of "cool") and sammich (instead of "sandwich"). From a literary (and literal) standpoint, this is like nails on a chalkboard to me. If it's the same number of letters, then what's the point of the new version? It's not like it's saving you time. (See I'm lazy, and I can appreciate anything that makes something SHORTER. Like brb or ttyl). But this is different. It's just making you look like a supreme douche bag. Just don't do it, people. It's wrong. One of these days I will write an entire blog on the grammar and vocabulary indiscretions of the new (and sometimes old) generation. Abysmal. Moving on....

So many people have requested my blogs. That sounds cocky..... let me restate. Many friends, who are no doubt bored and looking for a good laugh that only my writing (and a few shots of whiskey) can supply, have kindly asked that I find a way to write more things for them to read. Not because I'm super great or anything. Because, in life - we need distractions. And so here it is.

Now I must go because my bratty child, who refuses to sleep or nap, is crying for the 4th time since I laid him down 30 minutes ago. It's a good thing I have you, virtual friend, to keep me sane. Otherwise, I might succumb to running away from home and joining a cult.